A friend asked me recently if I had always planned to
homeschool. I explained that no, I hadn’t,
but after attending my first local non-secular homeschool picnic (THN for those
of you in Hamilton and Burlington Ontario), I knew that we needed to give it a
try.
As a teacher, I had an idea of what a multi-age picnic would
look like. However, this picnic was
different. The kids were SO NICE! This was the kind of community that I wanted
for my kids! After the picnic, I
messaged my teacher friends to say “I’ve discovered where all the nice kids
are!”
You see, as a teacher, I knew that in a school environment there are some kids that get labelled “nice kids” and as a teacher, you really hope that your own child finds that group when they enter school. You also hope your receives that label themselves. That label means your kid is doing alright. The “nice kids” avoid a lot of the bullying and drama and heartache that seems to find the rest of the student body. Every teacher enjoys their time with “the nice kids” because they are easy to get along with and having them in your class makes your teaching job easier.
After the picnic, I wondered if I had stumbled upon some
magical land. The homeschoolers are really nice kids. Everyone I met would fall into my “nice
kids” label if they were in my classroom. Yet, I couldn't help but notice that the homeschool kids still have
meltdowns, they still struggle with things, basically they are still real kids! The more time we spent hanging out with the
homeschoolers, the more I realized how there was something wrong with my “nice
kids” label. This is a teacher’s version
of “de-schooling” by the way.
I feel uncomfortable saying this publicly, because so many
of my friends and family members are classroom teachers, but all kids are, in
fact, “nice kids”, it’s the school environment that creates the label dichotomy. I’ll say that again for all the parents who
have had a kid who struggled – I realize now that ALL KIDS ARE “NICE KIDS”. I say this in the sense that all kids are the
same, they are showing up, every day as a real person, with real legitimate
needs. Unfortunately, the school
environment is just not set up to meet their needs. In fact, it often amplifies their unmet needs
and can even create new needs! And so
kids get labelled. (As teachers, we give kids this label as our way of dealing with our own challenges and unmet needs but
that’s another blog post.)
So like every other human, kids show up to school with
needs. In a school environment, there is
one adult per approximately 20 children who can potentially help to meet those
needs. The environment is set up in such
a way that children are not empowered to meet their own needs, at least not
regularly or in a timely manner. So in an environment that seems impossibly unfair in getting those needs met, we add
in an element of competition which creates new needs. Kids then naturally discover coping mechanisms to try to
get their needs met in other ways or they become detached from their needs altogether. These options of indirectly meeting needs or
denying they exist, make it difficult for the child, teacher, and other
children to exist in the same space, let alone learn the curriculum.
Even if a child arrives at school with their needs regularly
met in their home environment, the school environment is competitive, without a
lot of support to navigate this competition and some kids who are “nice kids”
at home, may develop strategies to cope with the competition and hierarchy at
school, pushing them out of the “nice kids” category. I remember working with a child in JK who was
a “nice kid” at home but in her efforts to fit in at school, was saying mean
things to another student. This brought
up her social status within her group of school friends such that losing her “nice
kid” status was worth it to her. It was
her coping mechanism in this competitive environment.
Personally, I wouldn’t have this insight without having had
the experience of homeschooling my kids and hanging out with so many
intelligent, dedicated homeschooling parents.
Homeschoolers are learning in a completely different environment, one in
which their needs are addressed directly and timely. The pace of homeschooling is less competitive
and slower, so just removing that stress is helpful. The home environment is usually more
empowering for kids to meet their own needs meaning that kids can take breaks,
get exercise, spend some time playing and just basically stay in tune with
their own needs so they can address them as they arise. Sometimes needs pop up that an empowered child
cannot meet on their own and when that is the case, the adult – child ratio is
usually much more favorable than the 1:20 ratio in a school classroom. Homeschooling has taught me that children,
when their needs are addressed, are content.
And content kids learn.
I just want to point out that even if your child is labelled a “nice kid”, check in with
them. Make sure they are not suffering behind that label too. Children who are perfectionists, hide their needs in the name of approval or try, to become detached from their
feelings are in just as much pain, yet sometimes get labelled as “the nice kids”. They sometimes like this label as they can hide behind it, but it doesn't necessarily mean they are doing alright as I mentioned above.
I think I’m really lucky that I have been able to teach in
the public system AND homeschool my kids.
I feel really fortunate to have had both experiences and the learning
and reflection that comes from it. My
advice for parents, if they realize their child is expressing anything other
than contentment with their life, would be to try a different environment. Show
your child that getting needs met is important and model strategies about how
to do it. If you can homeschool, do it! It is the best kept secret in education! And if you cannot homeschool, keep looking
for other alternatives. We all deserve to be in environments where our needs
are met. That safe space is where human potential lies; potential for
contentment, peace, love, connection, and learning.
Critical Thinking Awareness Challenge: Type "nice kid" into a Google image search and tell me, what patterns do you see?
